Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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