every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
