This is not my ceiling
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
