D3 body, D1 cock
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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