Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we're making bets on your personal life
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize