I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize