Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
