im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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