You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
