i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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