dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
