Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
