So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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