well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
