bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
