Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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