I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
