I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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