"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
