guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
