He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm at about main and main street
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
