Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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