you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
