i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
