I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
