I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
