i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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