Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
