hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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