Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
