..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
