we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
