If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize