There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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