Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
