No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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