Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
