yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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