She said her name was "party"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I could make wine with my vomit
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
