Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
