I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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