I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
