my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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