I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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