Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
