I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
