Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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