I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
