Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
