I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
