is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
