did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
