Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize