Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
