Me too!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize