This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
