I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize