Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
