i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
