I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
