did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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