life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize