so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
