What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
