oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thus making me awesome and them whores
if only i could text you this smell
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
