You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
