at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
