idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
