I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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