i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
