i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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