my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
